The Tragic Tale of Albert Ignatius

This is the story of Albert Ignatius,
A boy obsessed by fear of the contagious,
He washed his lettuce and dusted his beets,
Rinsed his carrots and powdered his feets,

He inhaled through a mask and listened through a tube,
And for intimate functions used lots of lube.
He dipped the dog and sprayed the cat,
He poured disinfectant all over the mat,

Washed his hands before every meal,
He wouldn't eat pork and he wouldn't eat veal,
And generally caused misery all over his home,
So they savéd up and bought him a dome,

And stuck him out on the family lawn,
Where he sat disconsolate from dusk till dawn,
And mothers warned their children dear,
If you make a fuss you'll end up here.