Rude Rhymes

In many ways, I wish I'd never started the practice of segregating the rude and dirty poems in what is, after all, an adult poetry site. However, some readers are drawn straight to the filth and depravity, whilst others are pleased to have their blushes spared. You will certainly find ruder poems than Max's, but few that are executed with the refinement, intelligence and wit that his collection of rude rhymes displays.

Albert Venus

I may temporarily suspend the comment about refinement, as the opening poem is a fairly straightforward rude poem about Albert Venus and his multi-talented performing...

The Old Git Rap

The revenge of the oldies against yoof culture (I use the term loosely).


Spiritualism is all a load of bollocks, but enjoyable bollocks for all that.

Short Story in Rhyme

The intriguing Short Story in Rhyme barely makes it into the rude rhymes department, but it does score 1 F, against Ouija's 1 O and Albert Venus' 1 P.

Alphabet Zoo

Dyke zoo keepers and their highly sexed charges make this trip to the animalarium a surreal and somewhat disturbing experience.

Like You've Never Heard It Before…

The key to understanding this weird, warped sex romp is knowing what the word wazoo means.

The Word

A irreligious and irreverent poem which is simultaneously high-brow and scatological.

Complete Nonsense About Staines

Four interlinked limericks which combine sex and extreme silliness.


Get the basics right and you wouldn't think a stripper could offend. How wrong you could be!

A Skin Story

A poem which men may well read with legs firmly crossed.

Closing Time

A contender for Max's grumpy old man collection, Closing Time offers forthright views about our favourite supermarket wrapped up in some extremely ripe language.

The Tragic Ballad of Rufus the Dog

A poem about the most unusual of romantic disappointments.